my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
