I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
