Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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