This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
