You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
