I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
