the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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