I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
