This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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