My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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