I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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