One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You're a waste of cheezeits
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
