my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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