Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just tell him i said nine months
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
