I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I deserve this hangover.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
