Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
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the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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