I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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