I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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