She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My vagina is officially offended.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
