my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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