my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
