i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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