I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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