omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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