I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
