pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
