so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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