Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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