Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
my liver is dry heaving
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
