the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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