So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
