Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think my moral compass just broke
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