Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm getting married
To pizza
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
