Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
well you can't waste a boner
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
