If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i wish my penis had a tongue
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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