it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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