Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
