So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
