hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
