apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
