If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Randomize
