so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
