I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
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Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize