After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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