im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
