can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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