Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
