Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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