Soap is not a condiment
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize
