now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
