i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
