Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
