i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
