well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
