If i come over, it means nothing
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
