you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
