8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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