so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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