Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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