Your face is a jimmy john
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
