We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
