Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
