i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
