why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
