i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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