im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
