Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
