Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize