I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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