Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
