That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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