shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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