I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
