I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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