What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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