remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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