She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
