Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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