Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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