I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
