I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
