I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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