he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
