Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
